Fear Not, Go Bravely

“Do not be afraid or dismayed; be strong and of good courage; for thus the Lord will do to all your enemies against whom you fight.” Joshua 10:25

A few years ago I was talking to my daughter, Gretchen, about being fearful to do things – and sometimes we don’t do the right thing because of fear.

fear /ˈfir/
noun: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

At that time I told her “Baby, you need to find your brave”. We talked about how being brave doesn’t mean we aren’t still afraid, it means we find the courage do the right thing in spite of our fear. We talked about praying for courage and how we must walk our life journey ensuring our faith is always bigger than our fear.

faith /fāTH/
noun: complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

As a child, I remember always thinking adults didn’t have fears. Now, many years into adulthood, I realize that is just not the case. Our fears are replaced, but they are still there. As women and Mama Bears, our fears take on so many shapes and sounds, they taunt us in the dark and chip away at our confidence. They isolate us, even from our God. They hold us back from boldly living our wonderfully unique life.

A couple of months ago our priest asked me to give a reflection during Lent about fear – specifically, “On My Journey, Keep Me From Fear”. That simple request took my Lenten journey into the deepest valleys and the highest mountains of reflection – I did not see that coming. I started the process as I do most things – textbook perfect. But I kept coming back to his request to share my personal journey. The weeks leading into the talk were peeling away the layers of the onion as I honestly took it to prayer and reflection.

During the time I was preparing for this reflection, our family visited the Grand Canyon for the first time. What an amazing wonder! I was in awe at the beauty and grandeur. All I had imagined it would be was minuscule compared to the moment I first saw it. But I’d lie if I said the standing on the edge didn’t scare me. Convinced I could do a partial hike down with some friends, I underestimated the complete fear and anxiety I would experience. I clung to the wall of the canyon afraid to get too close to the edge. I heard fellow hikers point out spectacular views but all I wanted to see was my hand clearly on the wall as I leaned away from the edge. I was missing out. Fear was holding me back from fully living this adventure. Slowly the trail got easier until I was able to let go and start to experience the hike a bit more fully. By the end of the hike, I was going up much faster than I had gone down. The last picture of me at the canyon is me jumping with my arms wide open.

Like the Grand Canyon, my faith life has had moments of being in complete awe of God’s grandeur, moments of clinging tightly with my back to Him, and times of finding safety in the journey. Times of knowing I’m missing out but too scared to let go of my way of life – the life that listens to my fears in the dark. My fears that isolate me and hold me back. My hope is that I will soon be hiking my own life’s journey in full confidence and ending my life with my arms wide open as I jump into His.

Most of my life I never considered myself a fearful person. As a child, I remember afternoons at the beach when the high tide would come in. All the kids would run away from the large waves, all but me who ran towards them, ready to try conquering them regardless of how many times they pummeled me down. I got up and kept trying. As a young teen, my father taught me how to ride a motorcycle. I was the only girl out on the motocross circuit, but I gave it my all – determined to soar on that bike like no other girl ever had at that time. As a young adult, I boarded a plane and traveled halfway across the world to a place I had never visited so I could study in a different culture and be with students I would not otherwise meet. I never hesitated to try out something new and confident that I could do it.

Through this reflection preparation, my fellow Mama Bears, is where I honestly faced my weak spot. I am not afraid of doing and trying new things. My fears actually lie below the surface in who I am. My fears, my “enemies”, are the voices that tell me I am not enough. The voices that taunt me into doing more and more, because maybe just maybe I will eventually “be enough”. In the doing more I am conforming to the expectations others have of me, I am not boldly and bravely living MY life. I keep a safe distance that allows people to see what I do, but not who I am. And I keep God at that safe distance too. Just enough space to try and hide my flaws, my sins, my regrets, my shame, and my guilt. That distance that says “Let me hide my mess in the closet, clean up the house, and touch up my make-up before you enter.”

I have learned through so many life experiences to trust and lean on God in my life – with situations, decisions, and things I need to do. I take to Him my worries of the world, my worries of the world my kids are growing up in, the culture they will face, and the decisions they will need to make. I take to Him my true desire to be a good wife and a good mother. But I stop there. I am still fearful of being seen fully for who I am – a sinner. I’m stuck in that space that says, “Let us work on things together but don’t get too close.” In my head, I know that He knows I am a sinner. In my heart I’m afraid to show it, I am scared to acknowledge all of the pain Jesus suffered during his passion because of me.

I know God is here, and He is present. I know He wants to comfort and love me. It is I who needs to stand in front of God, fully naked – fully naked of pretense and lies and let Him heal me. To hear His words of truth and not the lies that hold me back from living the life He designed for me.

Through my experiences, I’ve come to believe that when faced with these fears we have three options:

1. We step back. We move away from God. We lean back into the voices that whisper lies. Lies that our sins and flaws are bigger than God’s love for us. Lies that make us step back and turn away from Him. Lies that not only tell us we aren’t good enough to be loved but also that maybe just maybe there isn’t a God at all. That we are alone in the messiness of our lives.
2. We are paralyzed. We are stuck and consumed in fear. We don’t move back or forward. Instead, we try to numb the fear, hide the fear, ignore the fear. We cover it up with earthly success – wealth, accolades, accomplishments. Anything that may boost our confidence and lessen the pain of the fear.
3. We lean into our fear. We see it, we hear it, we own it, we acknowledge it for what it is. But, we also reach out to God and put it in His hands. In that reaching out we open ourselves to His voice. To His healing, To His comfort. To His strength. To His love. We accept His invitation to let go of the fear and rest in Him. We let him transform us through the pain – as a forest brought back to health through the fire, we surrender to the purification process.

My dear Mama Bears, I invite you to find your brave. To find your brave in God. Our God who is ready to love us, and lead us, and comfort us, and heal us. Our God who is bigger than all the fears that suffocate us. Our God who is bigger than the lies we listen to and who loves us. Our God who is waiting for us to lean into the fear of our sins and flaws and lies and fears, waiting to whisper “You are enough, you are my beloved.” Our God who invites us to open ourselves to hear His voice. It is in those moments that He will inspire us…..fully inspire us to dream, to see clearly and find joy, to be filled with confidence, and to boldly go forth in our uniquely wonderful lives!

Fear not, go bravely!

xoxo
Catherine