Until a few years ago I could not have told you what shiplap was or how it could be used. But now I drool at the idea of it. Yes, I will admit, I fall in the “I love Joanna Gaines” classification of humans. I would give my left arm to have my house completely redesigned into a peaceful, simple, gorgeous, make my heart beat a little faster farmhouse. My dad, bless his heart, stopped off at the Magnolia store in Waco during a trip just so he could pick me up a souvenir. Yep. I just love all things “Joanna.” Ahhhh.
My house looks nothing like a Joanna home. My Montanan husband prefers lodge and rustic over shiplap and farm style. Tack on the fact that our kids have kept us very busy, that making our house into a show-worthy one has not been a priority. For now, it is simply home – the place everyone can come to and know they are loved, safe, and there is food in the fridge. But, that doesn’t stop me from dreaming of a Joanna home and looking for tips and tricks to add a bit of style to our house.
Inspiration: the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Joanna’s homes slip into a place of dreaming, but also a place of inspiration. That stimulation to do something creative that brings joy and excitement.
We live in a world with so much going on around us, that just slowing down a little allows us to absorb something new and be inspired. That natural desire to be motivated into doing or trying something new has to be the reason a genius came up with Pinterest. Oh, those images! From recycling cans into lanterns and gorgeous knitting patterns to snack recipes and party favors, one could spend day and night browsing inspiration.
My mother used to always say to me, “Everything in moderation, Catherine.” She was right. Moderation doesn’t come naturally to me. I am more an all in or all out person, and put a ton of energy and focus into my priorities. I have learned the hard way that anything taken to an extreme can cross a fine line from good to harmful and excessive. This applies to inspiration seeking and slipping into negative comparison.
While many of us can’t imagine going back a life before the magical handheld boxes we carry around that can do almost anything, it was also a simpler time. It wasn’t long ago that our days and lives had clearly set boundaries because we had no way of being always connected. Phones were mostly attached to walls or had limited cordless ranges. If you called someone who was already on the phone, there was a busy signal. My kids really don’t believe me on that fact! Computers were used for programming and maybe games (like Pong!). Watching a movie required a run to the video rental place and browsing shelves.
Our lives were a balance of connected and disconnected time.
At the beginning of this digital era, we were awed by how many things were at our fingertips. Too many of us have shifted from having access to the information to the information constantly accessing us. Alerts, reminders, screen flashing, and fear of missing out lure us to look just a little bit longer. And, just as we have shifted from accessing the digital universe to never being disconnected, so has the digital realm turned many of us from inspiration and encouragement to negative comparison and self-defeat.
Comparison: the act or process of comparing; an examination of two or more items or people to establish similarities and dissimilarities.
The act of comparing is human nature, and it happened long before the digital era. Comparing and contrasting is a method of self-evaluation and defining self-image. We all have a basic human need to feel accepted. To feel like we belong. Comparing ourselves to others is a way of establishing a norm and striving for social integration.
The comparison becomes negative comparison when compare unfavorably and consistently feed a sense of inadequacy and inferiority. A consistently unfavorable comparison is not an objective comparison. When we take something we admire about someone, and idealize it, we have skewed the image against what we compare ourselves. In those situations, we fail to see the full picture and instead criticize ourselves for not being at the level of the false image we created.
I’m pulling Joanna back into this discussion. I take the Joanna we’ve all seen and loved on TV, and I compare her to my life. Oh, my stars – I’m a failure! She always looks so pulled together with gorgeous outfits – I can’t remember the last time I didn’t just slip into jeans and a sweater and had to throw my hair into a failed attempt at a messy mom-bun. Her kids are so sweet, so cute, and look adorable running out in the open country – the last time my kids went running in the backyard, someone stepped in un-scooped doggy poop before they were sent to the room for being unkind to each other. Her house is oh-mi-gosh gorgeous and always so neat, and tidy, and organized, and well just breathtaking – I on the other found that the socks laying around the house that I got on my kids for was actually the dog stealing them and dropping them off where ever he felt like chewing on them.
Sigh. I’m a failure because no aspect of my life is a fraction as good as Joanna’s. I’m going to stay home and avoid the outside world so no one else can see just how to fall I short in comparison.
If you just agreed with me, this may not be the blog for you. No, no, no! Y’all know that makes no sense at all. On the surface it is all true – but did I really compare my apples to apples? Or even apples to oranges? No! I compared a fresh fruit apple to an Apple computer – not even in the same realm.
Steve Furtick is quoted as saying, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Yes, Joanna is beautiful and gifted and talented and inspirational and very successful. But what we see of her life is the highlight reel. Just as is much of what we observed on any form of social media. When we take the highlight reel and turn it into a goal, we’ve set ourselves up to fail. We’ve taken another person, and de-humanized them. To recognize the humanity of another person is to acknowledge and respect their dignity as perfectly imperfect humans. To compare our reality to someone else’s highlight reel is not to appreciate our own dignity as perfectly imperfect humans.
A negative comparison is unhealthy. Hear me say this – it is really unhealthy! It starts off by denying us the opportunity to be truly happy. It grows bitterness in us that is fed by envy. A bitterness that leads us to be negative about not only ourselves but our loved ones around us. Often a quest to achieve the unachievable idealized view of perfection leads to burn-out. All of which leads us to a state of stress, anxiety, depression, and possibly into making self-defeating or harmful choices.
We can admire other people without questioning ourselves.
As much as I admire Joanna, I don’t compare myself to her nor do I question my value as a human against hers. We have different lives. If we chatted over coffee, I’m sure we would find similarities as frequently as we found differences in our personalities, our choices, our goals, our strengths, and our weaknesses. I can never be a better Joanna Gaines than she is, I would at best be a second class fake. All I can work hard to be is the best version of myself.
Dr. Seuss said it best when he said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is You-er than You.”
So, how can we step back from the negative comparison, and live a life with inspiration? Here are some simple ideas:
- Disconnect – In a world that will continue to bombard us with images, sound-bytes, and false messages of perfection, we need to disconnect. Schedule time where you will put down devices and turn off screens. Use that time to reflect on your dreams, keep a gratitude journal, and reconnect with your beautiful, quirky, and unique, loved ones.
- Look at the right things – Determine your dreams and aspirations. Don’t assess yourself against someone else’s thoughts and goals. Know what truly matters to you and your family, and work on that. When in doubt, pray about it. He will show you the way.
- Admire without diminishing yourself – There will always be someone who is better than you at something you respect and admire. Instead of making it about you, make it about them. Give them a genuine compliment.
- Ask for advice – If there is a skill or talent that you really want to work on, ask someone who is better for help. Not only will it validate them, but it gives you an opportunity to work on being a better version of you.
- Recognize your growth – Every day we do things that help us learn and grow. Be compassionate with yourself when you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. Assess your growth by looking at where you started and where you are now….and celebrate!
- Encourage – Our most rewarding moments are when we can genuinely give of ourselves to others. Recognize those around you that are working on skill or goal, replace the sound-bytes that bombard them with authentic words of encouragement.
Mama Bears, time to drop the tempting and dangerous habit of comparison. Find your inspiration and chase the dreams that you have for your life. Encourage those around you. Our world is a more beautiful world when we stop tearing each other down but instead help each other grow and build our dreams.
xoxo
Catherine