I remember the first time it happened at work! I naively opened what should have clearly been identified as a chain email. Yet, I jumped straight in and read about the woman that saved her most precious gifts for a “special day.” That day never came before she passed. The family found the expensive perfume bottles tucked in drawers, never opened. Replace the perfume bottles with wedding gifts still in boxes 60 years later, dresses in closet with the tags still on, tea sets in attics that were never used. If I had a penny for every time, I received a chain email telling of stories of people who were saving things for just the right time but the time never came before they passed, I’d take a vacation to Hawaii with my family of 8! I know you have received them too!
I admit that every time I read the stories, they tugged at my heart. Each time I had a tiny ah-ha moment, but I never really changed my ways. I said I would. I thought about what I might be saving – always landed on the idea that I was doing just fine, and kept going on my merry way.
Years ago my family gave me a beautiful set of dishes. Each birthday and Christmas they added to the collection. A thick, heavy set of white ceramic plates with blue and yellow flowers. I was ready to change my kitchen around these dishes – I loved them so much! I cherished them and kept them safe – bringing them out for only the “really special” occasions. Instead of enjoying them, I fretted about a little one dropping and breaking a cherished dish. And we had a steady string of little ones. I would not have anything to pass down if the dishes were all broken! So safely they stayed put in the buffet.
My theories on how “fine” I was doing have been tested by my son Peter from the moment he was born! He was so sick that our reality shifted from dreaming of the future to never knowing if we would have another day. The first years were an exercise in touch-and-go that left little room for anything but our instinct to protect and survive. As Peter got healthier, when it seemed we had overcome all thrown at us, I fell back into my “normal” routine. A routine that focused on getting stuff done and measured the value of each day in terms of productivity.
Two years after reclaiming our “normal” routine, Peter was diagnosed with Leukemia. Once again we were thrust into a protect-and-survive mode. A year into treatment we rushed our limp and near lifeless child into the emergency room begging for help. Honestly, that may be the only movie-like moment in my life because I feel so cliche when I describe that morning that will forever be engraved in my heart and mind. Within minutes he was in a medically induced coma on a ventilator. We were in the hospital for nearly 3 months.
This time my protect-and-survive instinct also forced me to reflect on the fragility of life and therefore the real gift of another day. I decided it really was time to change our “normal.” I pulled out my “nice dishes”! Every Sunday we use them – our reserved family day when we enjoyed an extra nice meal together. I was throwing caution to the wind and enjoying, right?
A few months after we were home from the hospital, I was challenged by a mundane experience. I had to take my daughter shoe shopping. She was all of 2 years old – strong opinions and all. Sitting at the shoe store invoking every parental method of bribery and coercion was failing. Gretchen insisted the only pair she would try on were the bright pink party shoes with the bows. “OK G, we can make these your church shoes.” I lost once more. G wore the shoes all the time! ALL THE TIME! Even after baths and putting on clean PJ’s, the dirty pink shoes went back on. I remember how she played in the sand, and her shoes would fill up. Each time I took them off to brush away the sand stuck between her toes, I stared at her shoes feeling a shift in my attitude.
Something new became something used – very used! – because it was something special.
G didn’t try to extend the life of her shoes by wearing them only on Sundays. She didn’t keep them safely away from others. She loved them, enjoyed them, and used them every day. As they become scuffed, the bow started to come loose, and they were no longer shiny new shoes – she loved them even more – they were hers, and she saw the beauty in the shoes that were part of so many fun memories. Like her dirty but well-loved doll, these shoes enjoyed a full life – albeit short!
We never know how long or short life will be – and sometimes we can be like Peter and defy the odds while confounding the medical experts around us. If you are anything like me – you save, your protect, you keep your eye on the future to define the purpose of today. I won’t stop being me – I know I will always have my eye on my goals to identify the purpose of today…..but I want today also to be full of something “saved” being really enjoyed before it is too late.
I shared my ah-ha pink party shoe moment with a friend, who in turn shared with me her zip lining experience. Petrified to take the leap, someone told her to stare at the platform she was to land on. As she zipped through the air, the platform became larger and larger until her feet were firmly planted on it. “I had a goal – and I made it!!” she thought to herself. Then as those behind her joined the platform they excitedly talked about the mountain range to the left, the flock of birds in the sky, the size of the trees below them, the view of the water to the right. She had a goal, she made it, but didn’t enjoy the journey getting there because she was too scared.
She was scared of the journey, I was scared of “using up” that something special – so in our own ways we didn’t enjoy what we were blessed with. At the end of my life – whenever that is – I want lots of “worn, scuffed, pink party shoes” that hold memories of fun had on the journey to the other side.
Ask yourself – what “something special” are you saving for that right moment? Is that moment today?
Simple ways to make it a habit of enjoying our “pink party shoes” of life:
- Stop putting away “special things for special days.”
- In our cluttered homes, we tend to put in a safe place that which we value and leave the rest out. Stop!
- Go look in your drawers, closets, attics, basement, or garages for things you are saving. Make that special day today!
- Identify what you love, and get rid of the rest!
- Yes, this is within reason, I recognize I may not love the spatula, but it serves a role in my life. Life is too short not to enjoy pancakes.
- Look at things like clothes, books, toys – all that which clutters your life and distracts you from the items you love and enjoy. Removing the clutter will remind you to use and enjoy those items you cherish.
- Spend more real time with family and friends.
- We live in a world full of distractions, some being small devices in the palm of our hands. We lose hours to these gadgets and often are not truly present to those around us. In this case, we are wasting instead of spending something valuable that we can never get back – time.
- Set time on your calendar to put your devices away and make some memories.
- Our family loves game nights with our neighbors where we get to visit and laugh and reminisce and create new memories together.
- Reflect on your days and find gratitude
- Productivity is how society measures and deems our success. Often we are running the rat-race unsure of where we are going yet we keep running. The race allows us to numb our emotions and avoid self-reflection. It also distracts us from the beauty in our lives.
- Spend time regularly reflecting on your life, unlike time, using our gratitude actually seems to return it to us in abundance.
- This year I decided to do a 365-day challenge where I pick one photo a day that captures a moment I might otherwise forget. Looking at pictures of today and the past helps me truly reflect and be in awe of the blessings I easily take for granted.
- Schedule your priorities (including you), don’t prioritize your schedule.
- We all have things we must do, but often we blur the lines between must do and just do. Busy doesn’t make us happy, it makes us tired. Often feeling like we didn’t do enough.
Identify what is truly important to YOU – not what others tell you should be. - Schedule it on your calendar and honor the “appointments” you set for yourself as if you had set them up with Jesus himself.
While I have zero athletic ability, I often find my mind is cleared when I go for a run. It is easy to fill my day with everything I think others expect of me. But, when I carve out that me-time I am happier. I am healthier. I am more productive and confident with the rest of my day. I have more of me to give when I invest some time in me.
- We all have things we must do, but often we blur the lines between must do and just do. Busy doesn’t make us happy, it makes us tired. Often feeling like we didn’t do enough.
A wise writer of fortune cookie wisdom once said, “Tomorrow will be too late to enjoy what you can today.”
xoxo
Catherin